The 5 Stages of Change: How to Keep Going when you Want to Quit on your Goals.

Every January, millions of people set big goals, only to watch them fall apart weeks later. Maybe you’re one of them.

At first, you’re unstoppable: motivated, focused, ready to crush it. But soon, the spark fades. Motivation disappears. Excuses creep in. And you start wondering: Why can’t I stick to anything?

The good news is you’re not broken. You’re human. Growth is messy, frustrating, and uncomfortable. But it’s also possible.

Change is hard because your emotions don’t sit quietly—they fight back. It’s called the emotional cycle of change, and it’s the reason progress feels like an uphill battle. But once you understand it, everything changes. You stop blaming yourself and start working with the process, not against it.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck, it’s time to approach change in a whole new way. Let’s dive into the five stages so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.

Stage 1: Uninformed Optimism (The Bold Beginning)

There’s something magical about the start of a new year. It’s like the world hands you a blank slate and whispers, “Dream big—go for it.” So, we do.

We picture our future selves thriving—healthier, wealthier, happier. We set bold goals: lose 30 pounds, launch a side hustle, finally take control of our finances. These aren’t just resolutions; they’re the life we secretly crave. And dreaming big? It’s electrifying.

But dreaming big is also a little… naive. It’s like signing up for a marathon because the idea of crossing the finish line gives you goosebumps, but forgetting the 26.2 grueling miles in between.

We focus on the reward, conveniently ignoring the grind it takes to get there. And you know what? That’s okay. This uninformed optimism is what gets us off the couch and into action. It’s the spark that shows us what we really want for our lives.

So, go ahead—dream big. Just remember: this is only the beginning.

Stage 2: Informed Pessimism (The Reality Check)

Reality hits fast. The excitement from Stage 1 comes crashing down as you realize what your big dreams actually demand: discipline, sacrifices, and a lot of hard work.

And it doesn’t take long for your brain to start questioning everything:

Wait, is this really what I want?

Do I even have time for this?

Why is this so much harder than I thought?

That optimism you felt? It’s now informed. And it’s not looking quite as shiny.

• Losing weight requires meal prepping, resisting cravings, and showing up to work out—even when you don’t feel like it.
• Starting a side hustle means learning new skills, risking rejection, and sinking precious time (and maybe money) into something with no guarantees.
• Saving money means skipping impulse buys, saying no to splurges, and confronting your bank statements head-on.

Suddenly, your goals feel so far away. The gap between where you are and where you want to be looks massive, and your mind starts whispering that it’s easier to just stop trying.

But this feeling isn’t failure—it’s progress. The fact that you’re feeling this discomfort is proof you’re growing. Informed pessimism is where your goals stop being daydreams and start becoming real. It’s uncomfortable, yes, but it’s also a turning point. What you do next determines whether you keep going—or retreat back to your comfort zone.

Stage 3: The Valley of Despair (Where Resolutions Go To Die)

This is where dreams go to die.

At this stage, your goals feel unbearable, and excuses come rushing in:

“This workout plan doesn’t fit my schedule. I’ll try something else later.”

“My product idea isn’t unique enough. No one will buy it.”

“Saving money can wait. Things are tight right now.”

You convince yourself that you’re doing something wrong. Either the plan was flawed, the timing isn’t right, or the circumstances weren’t ideal. You retreat instead of staying in motion. You promise to revisit the goal later, when you’ve figured out the perfect way to tackle it.

But the truth is there is no perfect way. And doing anything—even if it’s messy, imperfect, or slow—is infinitely better than doing nothing.

But in the Valley of Despair, it’s easy to forget that. Instead, our guilt and shame take over:

“Why did I think I could do this?”

“Everyone else figures it out—why can’t I?”

“I feel like such a failure.”

To escape these feelings, we quit. Not because the goal is impossible, but because the discomfort feels unbearable. It’s easier to abandon the dream than to keep wrestling with the struggle.

But remember, the Valley of Despair is temporary—if you keep going. Progress doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from persistence. Push through the discomfort, and momentum will be waiting on the other side.

Stage 4: Informed Optimism (The Turning Point)

You’re no longer the starry-eyed dreamer from Stage 1 or stuck in the despair of Stage 3. You’ve reached informed optimism—the stage where your goals become realistic, and you have a clear plan to achieve them.

This is where big dreams meet practical action. Instead of chasing perfection, you’re building systems and daily habits that make progress inevitable.

For example:

• Instead of “I’m going to lose 30 pounds and get a six-pack,” you commit to grocery shopping every Sunday and walking 5,000 steps a day.
• Instead of “I’m going to quit my job and make six figures with my side hustle,” you focus on setting aside 25 minutes per day to work and learn about your niche.
• Instead of “I’ll save $10,000 this year and never spend on anything fun again,” you build a system of automating $100 from every paycheck into savings and tracking your weekly spending with an app.

These smaller actions aren’t settling. They show you’ve learned from the process and are building a system that works for you.

Everything feels more balanced. You’ve let go of the impossible expectations and started focusing on what really matters: progress. Each small win builds momentum, and with every step forward, your confidence grows.

Informed optimism isn’t flashy, but it’s powerful. It’s where you stop dreaming about success and start creating it—one small step at a time.

Stage 5: Success and Growth (Building Your New Normal)

If you’ve made it here, congratulations—not because you’ve “won” or reached some finish line, but because you’ve proven something important: the actions that once felt impossible now feel… doable.

You’re no longer forcing yourself to work out, spend time on your side hustle, or skip that impulse purchase. These habits, which once felt like mountains to climb, are now part of your routine. They’re natural—almost easy.

But here’s the catch: this isn’t the end. There is no “happily-ever-after” here. Growth is an ongoing process. With every milestone you hit, new challenges will emerge:

• You’ve hit your weight-loss goal—how do you maintain it or set a new one?
• Your side hustle is gaining traction—how do you scale it or balance it with life?
• You’ve saved money—how do you invest it or tackle lingering debt?

The cycle doesn’t stop; it repeats. Over and over again. And that’s not discouraging—it’s empowering. Every new challenge is a sign you’re leveling up.

The next time you hit the Valley of Despair or face the grind of informed pessimism, you’ll have something you didn’t before: experience. You’ll know the struggle isn’t a sign to quit—it’s proof you’re on the right track. You’ve been here before, and you made it through. You’ll do it again.

Final Thoughts: Embracing the Journey of Change

The emotional cycle of change isn’t easy, but it’s deeply human. Each stage comes with its own challenges and emotions—but also its own opportunities for growth.

• Stage 1: Dream big—like, really big. Let your imagination run wild and picture the life you want without holding back. Then, ground that vision: What’s one small, practical step I can take to move closer to this? Feelings: Excited, Fearless, Bold.
• Stage 2: When doubt starts creeping in, pause and ask yourself: Why did I want this in the first place? What kind of life am I building for my future self? Write it down, keep it close, and revisit it whenever the excitement fades. Feelings: Doubt, Anxiety, Worry.
• Stage 3: If the goal feels overwhelming, shrink it. Break it into tiny, practical actions that feel almost too easy. The goal here is to practice being consistent. Feelings: Self-critical, Depressed, Frustrated.
• Stage 4: Celebrate every single win—no matter how small. Look back at how far you’ve come, and let yourself feel proud. Practicing gratitude builds momentum and keeps you moving forward. Feelings: Hopeful, Determined, Strategic.
• Stage 5: Get ready to start all over again. Pay attention to the things that scare you or make you nervous—they’re often your next step. Once you feel that spark of excitement and boldness again, you’ll know you’re back at Stage 1, dreaming even bigger.

Remember, the hardest part of change isn’t starting—it’s staying in motion when it feels tough. You might skip stages, move backward, or repeat steps before completing the cycle. This model isn’t perfect, but it offers a guide to help you recognize where you are and what to do next.

Most importantly, it reminds you that you’ve faced challenges before and made it through. So keep showing up, one stage at a time. Every effort brings you closer to the life you want to create.